Despite the appearance of America's favorite bodybuilding governor as an exact replica of his Conan role (save for his character's name), there's very little that's worthwhile in Dino de Laurentiis' bucket of medieval slop Red Sonja. Never mind that Brigitte Nielsen had never acted before -- the real question is: did anyone involved ever make a movie before? The sets are comically poor as are all of the junk- store characters, starting with one of the most annoying child performances of all time -- Ernie Reyes Jr.! While the movie is less extreme than the first Conan flick, it's far more brutal than its lame-brained sequel, Destroyer, making it baffling why the filmmakers felt the need to have a little brat in there chewing up scene after scene in only the way his shrill voice could. Not only that, but the flick is flat out, drop dead boring! There's zero life to it, which isn't helped by the recycled score that's nowhere to be seen where the action needs it most. A perfect product of rotten '80s cinema, Red Sonja might seem like a fun one to revisit, but don't be surprised if you start to regret it once Arnold starts doing the bucking bronco on top of the chintzy mechanical dragon (which sadly isn't half as hilarious as it should be). Maybe if you play it on fast-forward it may become more digestible, but probably not. The film is best viewed in 20-minute increments with the promise of a trophy waiting for you when you get to the end credits.